There are lots of important people and events I’ll never see, simply because I was born too late or in the wrong place. Woodstock is a good example. I’m almost bitter I wasn’t around in ’69, somewhere close to New York, where I could have been watching The Who and Jimi Hendrix. Now I’ll never see them, because neither The Who nor Jimi are around to provide this service.
And why wasn’t I in PE during the seventies, when Millers used to break consistently from Bird Rock to Hobie Beach? I bet you the wind didn’t even blow so much back then. It’s not fair.
That’s why I’m building a time machine. True Story. I’ve talked this over with my friends a thousand times and have decided it’s the right thing to do. I just need to pick when and where.
There are a few factors to consider before I embark on this journey. Like how far back to go? It’s pointless getting beamed into the 17th or 18th century. That would be like going on a permanent holiday with my great parents to their house in the Karoo, where there’s no TV and endless chores to do. Forget it. I’d become a social pariah or get lynched if I went back there, too. All that colonizing in the name of religion isn’t my bag of potato chips. Whenever the preachers would say, “The End Is Nigh,” I’d probably open my mouth and be like, “Errr… sorry bucko. I’m afraid you’ll be tending those fields till the day your body turns to compost. You heard of roller blades yet?”
If I’m going to go back in time, I want to do it the right way. I’d want to see the pyramids being constructed, the Sistine Chapel being painted or Coliseum being used. Like a Contiki tour on steroids. While I’m there, I may as well do a bit of ground work for my family in the distant future. The first thing I’d do is host a sporting event no one has seen before. I was thinking of something like the Red Bull Down Hill Skating Contest, except everyone will be in donkey carts. Or I’d fashion Frisbees and pogo sticks, and then name them after my friends so they’d know I made it there ok.
I could also write a book or two and accurately predict the future, in almost perfect detail. Nostradamus will be hissing fire over his new competition.
Alternatively I could go back to the 60’s and 70’s, when traveling was easier than today’s visa fiasco. First, I would study electrical engineering before I left, ensuring my impossibly unfair advantage over the human race at large. Once I’m there I’d get rich quickly by inventing something cool, like mountain bikes. Then I would need to cover some important bases and make sure a few good people stay alive. Steve Biko and John Lennon, to begin with. I’d have to consult someone about political issues, so we could end apartheid and allow me to enjoy my journey with a clear conscience.
Then I’d sit back and do everything I want to do.
Bob Dylan would still be in his prime, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison would still be alive. Kurt Cobain would still be growing up, so I’d have Nirvana to look forward to. J-Bay would still be an untouched diamond in the rough, so I could surf perfect waves on retro boards with almost no one else out. I’d probably buy a chunk of land overlooking super tubes and move there. I would (hopefully) live to see my family, which is a major bonus.
It’s going to be a selfish Endeavour, this time travel mission I’m going on, but someone’s got to do it.
There was a bit of swell early this morning (Fence looked like there were signs of life), but the wind is sending trees trunks and toupees seawards now. Maybe on the full tide this afternoon, but its not looking positive right now.
There’s going to be a new contest format next year for the dream tour, with the ultimate goal of making a one tour for both WQS and WCT surfers (similar to the golf or Tennis pro tours). Its complicated stuff, but if you log on to http://www.aspworldtour.com/ all the details are there.
In WQS news, Rosanne Hodge, Greg Emslie (both from Slummies) and David Weare (Durban) are all looking good to qualify for next year’s WCT. All three surfers are sitting in the top ten, heading into the last leg of the tour (Hawaii).
And why wasn’t I in PE during the seventies, when Millers used to break consistently from Bird Rock to Hobie Beach? I bet you the wind didn’t even blow so much back then. It’s not fair.
That’s why I’m building a time machine. True Story. I’ve talked this over with my friends a thousand times and have decided it’s the right thing to do. I just need to pick when and where.
There are a few factors to consider before I embark on this journey. Like how far back to go? It’s pointless getting beamed into the 17th or 18th century. That would be like going on a permanent holiday with my great parents to their house in the Karoo, where there’s no TV and endless chores to do. Forget it. I’d become a social pariah or get lynched if I went back there, too. All that colonizing in the name of religion isn’t my bag of potato chips. Whenever the preachers would say, “The End Is Nigh,” I’d probably open my mouth and be like, “Errr… sorry bucko. I’m afraid you’ll be tending those fields till the day your body turns to compost. You heard of roller blades yet?”
If I’m going to go back in time, I want to do it the right way. I’d want to see the pyramids being constructed, the Sistine Chapel being painted or Coliseum being used. Like a Contiki tour on steroids. While I’m there, I may as well do a bit of ground work for my family in the distant future. The first thing I’d do is host a sporting event no one has seen before. I was thinking of something like the Red Bull Down Hill Skating Contest, except everyone will be in donkey carts. Or I’d fashion Frisbees and pogo sticks, and then name them after my friends so they’d know I made it there ok.
I could also write a book or two and accurately predict the future, in almost perfect detail. Nostradamus will be hissing fire over his new competition.
Alternatively I could go back to the 60’s and 70’s, when traveling was easier than today’s visa fiasco. First, I would study electrical engineering before I left, ensuring my impossibly unfair advantage over the human race at large. Once I’m there I’d get rich quickly by inventing something cool, like mountain bikes. Then I would need to cover some important bases and make sure a few good people stay alive. Steve Biko and John Lennon, to begin with. I’d have to consult someone about political issues, so we could end apartheid and allow me to enjoy my journey with a clear conscience.
Then I’d sit back and do everything I want to do.
Bob Dylan would still be in his prime, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison would still be alive. Kurt Cobain would still be growing up, so I’d have Nirvana to look forward to. J-Bay would still be an untouched diamond in the rough, so I could surf perfect waves on retro boards with almost no one else out. I’d probably buy a chunk of land overlooking super tubes and move there. I would (hopefully) live to see my family, which is a major bonus.
It’s going to be a selfish Endeavour, this time travel mission I’m going on, but someone’s got to do it.
There was a bit of swell early this morning (Fence looked like there were signs of life), but the wind is sending trees trunks and toupees seawards now. Maybe on the full tide this afternoon, but its not looking positive right now.
There’s going to be a new contest format next year for the dream tour, with the ultimate goal of making a one tour for both WQS and WCT surfers (similar to the golf or Tennis pro tours). Its complicated stuff, but if you log on to http://www.aspworldtour.com/ all the details are there.
In WQS news, Rosanne Hodge, Greg Emslie (both from Slummies) and David Weare (Durban) are all looking good to qualify for next year’s WCT. All three surfers are sitting in the top ten, heading into the last leg of the tour (Hawaii).
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