When life throws you kudus on the freeway, make biltong.

I want to rip my hair out when the weather man calls the tornado outside a ‘moderate to fresh breeze’. But I’m also sick of moaning about wind in the Eastern Cape. There’s nothing to be done about it. You just have to accept that on certain days, anything not nailed to the floor is going to end up at sea or near Graaf Rienet. Walking my mom’s poodle, George, can be a bit like flying a kite during a heavy South Westerly.

As far as surfing goes, the wind can be a friend or foe at the same time. Yes, it brings in swell and helps make the waves hollow when it’s offshore, but who feels like dodging flying poodles and deck chairs in the water, or paddling through 6ft white horses?

I was having a good rant about it the other day, when my friend, Jono Exley, told me I’ve got it all wrong. ‘Start Kiteboarding,’ he said. He likes the wind. True story. ‘The stronger the better for kiteboarding,’ he explained.

I’ve always been a bit skeptical about Kiteboarding as an alternative to surfing. It’s mostly because of how much the equipment costs and my fear of involuntarily riding to Australia on the wings of a gale force westerly.
Equipment is outrageously expensive, but such is the nature of any new commercial product (the sport itself is only a decade or so old). Otherwise he assures me it’s a safe and mellow sport, and that people are mostly friendly, helpful and mindful of one another. I like the sound of that and I’ve seen a few photos of him doing some crazy bolamakisies on a kite board, so maybe I will give it a go. I’ll put it on my list of things to do after winning the lottery.

Conditions in the bay look very similar to yesterday. Fence might have a peak or two on offer when the tide pulls in. I’m completely biased when it comes to spot selection, though. Pipe will also more than likely have waves (or ripples than qualify as waves by default), but I’d rather down a glass of sand than surf there. Contrary to my absurd hyperboles, the wind does look moderate to fresh. Probably not strong enough to kiteboard, but just right for Goergie to go flying round the beachfront later.

When I Was Your Age

I was looking at the facebook group ‘PE Surfers’, clicking through the photo archive, when something very strange occurred to me: I am old enough to start saying, “When I was your age…” to younger people, and actually tell a story about a time when things were different.

Things weren’t immensely different 15 years ago, but some stuff that was once there isn’t today. Like the mighty Chinese Takeaway shop and the Put- Put course at Kings Beach. Gone now. There was a time when the Supertubes were cool. In about 1992 it was rammed every Saturday afternoon; you’d wait in line for at least 5 minutes, before going down the main slide. That actually happened! What about Pipe during the pre- Summer Seas days? Nobody remember the hotel that used to be there, not the luxury apartments? And Hobie Beach before the Pier?

I’m sure people in Jefferies, St Francis and East London must have similar stories.

Maybe another telltale sign of growing old is suddenly giving a crap about the historic significance of architectural geography in our city. I don’t think any of this would be interesting to a fourteen year old, unless you had photos of a tiger chasing people down beach road, or something similarly bizarre.

Maybe it’s also because I’ve just had the Time Realization Epiphany thing. I’m in the ‘mid-life puberty’ sort of phase, where realizing I’m not a lightie anymore freaks me out. My grandpa has much cooler stories to tell. PE must have looked a hell of a lot different when he was growing up. He’s had time to nurture his Time Epiphany and grow into zen. If I had a head full of memories from 1940 (and the war), I’d probably be screaming from the roof top with a microphone and an overhead projector. I’d demand people appreciate the landscape for what it is now.

There’s a point I can’t quite work out, too. Were the waves more consistently bigger 15 years ago, or was I just a lot smaller? Back in the day, my brothers and I would join a massive throng of people for a quick session before school. Fence was like Pipeline on some mornings. Frikkie Kritzinger and company would be getting stand up barrels.

I don’t know man… this is giving me a headache. I’m going to listen to Nirvana albums and stew over how different things were in 1994.

Today’s surf report is nothing different for the Eastern Cape. The South Westerly has just picked up and it’s small in the bay. There are some little peaks at Fence (nothing like they were 15 years ago!), so maybe on the full tide there’ll be something worthwhile. It will probably be a lot windier this afternoon though, so who knows. J-bay and St Francis are also windy and small, but I hear East London looks pretty good. No surprises there.

Some interesting news on the World Qualifying series: 1980’s and 90’s surfing beast Sunny Garcia is sitting at number 20 on the ratings. The top 17 qualify for the World Championship Tour (Dream Tour). Now, with the Hawaiian leg of the tour looming in December, Sunny is looking set to qualify (he’s won the Triple Crown several times already). That’s brilliant. I’m so excited to see one of my hero’s from childhood take to the tour next year.

This reminds me a bit of Demolition Man, in a way. The only way Kelly Slater can be stopped is by hiring someone from the past (his own era) to kick his ass. So Kelly is like the Wesley Snipes character on tour, almost completely unstoppable. Sunny is Sylvester Stalone character, summoned to take on his old rival. Should be very interesting stuff.

Other exciting surfers to watch are Saffas David Weare (Durban) and Greg Emslie (Slummies), also looking to requalify for the Dream Tour next year.

Going Bananas

Weird Dreams and Bad Eating

“Eating a banana before bed will give you awful nightmares!” My mom used to tell me when I was a youngster. I always believed her and made sure I didn’t, despite digging bananas above all the other fruit or snack products available at Spar or Pick ‘n Pay. But last night I found myself out of options.

I ate an early supper at 5:30Pm. A day’s surfing had flattened me. I thought I’d be asleep by 9pm at the latest. But 4 rented movies saw the hours pass without me knowing about it.

So no shops are open in St Francis after 8pm. At 11 PM, after Dream Catcher, my stomach demanded more. The popcorn was finished, the bread was stale and the marmite left in the cupboard had gone moldy. I was ready to salt up a plate of dog pellets, until I noticed the fruit bowl.

Like Cinderella staying on the dance floor for one more number at 11:57, I decided to push the envelope and break the golden rule. I munched 3 bananas and dropped like a stone down a well, into a night of crazy dreams that have stayed with me all day.

The weirdest of them went like this:

I was surfing at a popular spot in East London, Nahoon Reef. The locals out there didn’t appreciate a stranger on their turf. I sat at the backline nervously, fully aware that everyone was eyeballing me.
Finally the burly guy in charge paddled over and told me to get lost.
“But it cost me 400 bucks in petrol to get here, and I’m not making any trouble!” I protested.
Unconvinced, he summoned a pack of great white sharks to escort me back to shore. Before I knew what was happening, I was flanked by a group of the biggest sharks on earth. They were simply monstrous— as big as rugby fields and able to leap a hundred meters in the air. I was a goner for sure.

In the end I rode a massive female shark, named Eleanor, holding on to her dorsal fin like she was a tame dolphin. Terrifying stuff.

As it turns out, the local surfers at Nahoon Reef had signed a peace treaty with the shark race. In exchange for weekly shipments of celebrity tabloid magazines and human fast food (the popular stuff, like Mc Donald’s and KFC), they would police the surf spot. No blood would be shed and its popularity would be arrested.

Once I became aware of this, it didn’t seem so bad being forced to leave a surf spot for the good of peaceful relations. I can understand that kind of logic. Fair trade, if you will.

I woke up today in cold sweat, promising myself never to eat bananas before bed again.

Contest Update

France- The Quiksilver pro finished this week. Australian Adrian Buchan beat Kelly Slater in the final, which is a refreshing change— Slater’s won all but three events this year. Now, I like seeing Kelly win as much as the next guy (he was as much my hero in ’92 as he is today), but I have to admit to enjoying seeing someone else on the winner’s podium (even if it was an Ausie). Although Slater didn’t manage to take the world title at this event, he can do it in Spain next month if he places 9nth of better. With his current form, this seems pretty likely, but stranger things have happened than Kelly Slater dorking an important event.

Although no Saffas made it into the final rounds, Durban’s Jordy Smith did post one of the top 10 highest scores of the event. Yay. Check out www.aspworldtour.com for full tour news and ratings details.

Surf Report

It’s freezing and windy outside. But the cold front seems to be bringing in a bit of swell. When the wind backs off a bit, we could be looking at a decent weekend’s surfing. From this morning till now, there has already been a large increase in swell. For full swell and tidal info, call John Scheepers’ surf report: 082 234 66 22.

MonfriThursday

Monwednesfri-Thursday

It’s a bit strange when there’s a public holiday wedged in the middle of a working week. Tuesday night felt like Friday. Last night felt like Sunday. Today feels a bit like Monday, but tomorrow is Friday again. The real Friday this time. Not Tuesday night’s brilliant impression of one. Actually, I don’t know what to think.

Sitting in the back garden of my folks’ house in St. Francis with a bunch of friends, it seems like it could just as well be a normal day in December. Meri Ké and Garret are busting out some bloody fantastic tunes on the guitar; Marc and Didi are backing vocals and playing garden chairs and table top drums. My mom is upstairs painting. Maximus Truscott (my Border Collie/ jack Russel/ Stallion brother) is begging me to throw a filthy tennis ball for him. It’s a bit of a cheek, considering we took him for a walk on the beach earlier.

Wave wise, it’s looking pretty good. There is a bit of swell around. Sowetoes was about 3 feet and completely empty the last time I checked. That’s probably because everyone is at work today, trying to figure out why it feels just like Monday. The wind is clean offshore and not nearly as wild as yesterday. With more cold fronts expected this weekend, the swell is expected to pick up. My previous estimate of yesterday’s swell being in Greenland by now seems a bit out then.

Heritage Day Hangover Entry

This wind is absolutely mental today. It’s got to be blowing somewhere around 9 million knots an hour. It’s the sort of wind that blew Dorothy and Toto to the Land of Oz The strange thing about weather in the Eastern Cape is that it’s all bark and no bite (with the exception of an occasional freak storm that brings in enough swell to rupture a freeway or two). The ocean is flat today— the white horses on the water’s surface are even bigger than the actual sets breaking at the Fence.

I estimate the winds well that was in the bay yesterday is in Greenland by now. Poor folks at the Shell festival in J-Bay today… Managing a trestle table piled up with curios would be a bit like trying to ply a thorn out a rabies-crazed wolverine’s foot. I can just see koeksister and T-shirt stands going ass over elbow in breeze. Event organizers must be hissing fire at this weather.

Enough about the wind. I’m heading out to St Francis for some down town. My plans for an afternoon braai might be in limbo, but that’s not the end of the world.

For anyone nursing a Heritage Day hangover and looking for something easy to do, check out the facebook group, ‘Is this the Most Perfect Wave Ever Captured on Film?” Richard Turner, an ex-PE surfer, has some pretty hilarious quotes and views on the question, as well as a few photos that will make you screech like a pig. There’s also the Quiksilver Pro on again, with Round 4 being surfed today.

Tuesday Tuesday

Today

I felt a certain kind of frustration this morning- a state of mind I call ‘Ape in A Cage Rage’. It’s aptly named after the noise a caged ape makes, when it’s ripping at the cell bars and screaming like its limbs are on fire. It’s caused by deep, personal frustration and is normally followed by a good laugh at your own expense.

After having seen how good the weather and waves were at 8:30 AM, I set off for the bank, the electricians and Greenacres (3 chores I’ve been avoiding since last week), hoping to be back home within an hour. This was my first mistake; doing anything in a hurry only makes it take longer. I forgot two important receipts, got lost (IN PE!!!) on the way to the electricians and then left my phone at the bank. To make matters worse, on the freeway en route to Central, the car radio at my ‘Big Lebowski’ soundtrack tape. This left me nothing but the radio to listen to. So, between Maroon 5, Celine Dion and that awful woman who keeps bleeding Love, I wanted to tear the radio out of the dashboard with my teeth. What on god’s earth is wrong with radio in South Africa? Who are they targeting with such kak music? I got home more than two hours later, a complete wreck, hurling insult at anyone driving less than 70. I normally only smoke my first cigarette after 2pm, but by 11AM I was on lucky strike number 4… sheez, bloody waste of time.

This is plight of a spoiled South African… this mornings Ape in a cage Rage was my fault— for being completely unorganized and ridiculous.

The offshore wind has just picked up (it’s expected to get pretty fresh by this afternoon, but at the moment its still not pulling any roofs down), it’s hot and sunny outside and there is a bit of swell running. It looks bloody magical outside. Go surfing if you can. I took a drive past Humewood and the pier this morning and saw decent waves at both spots. I’m off to enjoy my mid morning surf and cleanse myself from the shame of throwing such a futile wobblyJ

World Championship Tour

For anyone bored at work today, you can watch Round 3 of the Quiksilver Pro in France. Just log on to http://www.aspworldtour.com/ and follow the link. Jordon Smith (from Durban) are competing today, so try and keep your hooting down when the boss is nearby. Travis Logie (also from Durban) was knocked out a bit earlier on this morning, during a heat that had me swearing at the computer like a Blue Bulls supporter during the Super 14 semis.


New Website
Also, here’s an excerpt from the press release following the launch of a new website, called http://www.havealooksurf.com/.

“DURBAN (22 September 2008) - Havealooksurf.com have launched an innovative new website featuring South Africa's first Video Surf Report service and Surf Video Webzine.

The Video Surf Report service, which initially covers seven major surf breaks along Durban's 'Golden Mile', is updated twice a day with a 20 – 30 second video clip, current photo and text summary of the surf conditions for each break. Surfers and other users are able to view exactly what the surf is doing from the comfort of their personal computers.”

For those of you interested in torturing yourselves by looking at how much better the waves are in Durban every day, check it out. Jokes aside, it’s a very decent website that is user friendly and rather all-encompassing; it almost has a surfing- news24.com vibe about it.

They are covering everything from the World Championship and Qualifying Series news, to industry updates, interviews with local pros, blogs and music. One of the site’s co founders, Kaleb Loevendie, commented on the site’s aims and goals, “Our goal is to create an informative and entertaining website that is refreshed on a daily basis and keeps surfers up-to-date with what is going on… Hopefully it will bring a bit of surf stoke help to save some petrol money in the process."

Update:)

Change

Hmmm, shortly after posting the last piece I looked out my window and noticed the wind going slightly North/ North West. So it looks like conditions WILL change by this afternoon. Hopefully it won't howl its socks off, like it normally does across the Eastern Cape as soon as the wind changes offshore. Judging by the waves at Kings Beach (which I can see from my balcony), it looks as if the easterly has brought in a touch of winds swell, too.

Monday

Monday

Well, it’s Monday again. If you’re staring out an office or classroom window, take comfort in the waves being utterly kak this morning. From Port Alfred to Cape St. Francis, you can rest assure that this stiff North Easterly wind is making choppy pea soup of all the regular surf spots. There is the nature reserve and the wild side, which might be worth taking a look at in this wind, but I’ve heard no one banging cymbals about the sand banks out there at the moment.

The barometer has dropped a bit, so the wind could change by later this afternoon. If that happens there might be some waves at the low tide spots across the board.

Speaking of change, anyone feel a bit weird about not having a president today?

Little Ninjas

It’s been a while since I’ve watched a live surfing contest (with the exception of secretly watching WCT contest feeds on my office computer in London). But this weekend I managed to catch the final event of the Billabong Junior Series, held in Jefferies Bay.
At a glace, what struck me initially was the new support behind the series. A lot has changed since 1997, when it was sponsored by Billabong and Polar Ice, and the official contest office was a buggered EP Surfing caravan.

There were FNB, Von Zipper, Palmers, Kustom and Billabong banners up on the grassy hill at the Point parking lot, as well as a big contest marquee for officials and competitors AND judging tower. It looked like a fully fledged professional event. Live scores were announced as the heat progressed, which adds to the spectators experience, as well as the surfers in the water.

And then there was the surfing itself. My dad and I almost simultaneously chocked on our hake burgers during the Pro Junior Boys semi final. “Holy Mustard!” I yelled over my blaring ipod ear phones, as Dale Staples caned the roof of a mushy set wave. “Jussos! That was awesome!” My dad replied. We both felt like vaalies wearing pink rash vests and Speedos.

On Saturday, when the conditions were a lot more J-Bay-esque, everyone, from the Under 12 division up, including the Girls division (which was also on a new level), was throwing down powerful turns and carving the place up like little ninjas. The waves got a lot worse on Sunday afternoon for the final rounds. The wind started blowing onshore and the swell dropped, but it was really impressive to see everyone adjust their surfing accordingly. When the waves changed, everyone started bring a more progressive approach to the smaller, more play conditions.

Some impressive performances came from Dylan Lightfoot and Steven Sawyer (both well supported J-Bay Locals) in the under 14 boys final. To point out the blatantly obvious, they both looked confident and well practiced at the break. I don’t mean this to take anything away from their surfing, which was absolutely unbelievable. Lightfoot’s forehand reverse (on his last wave) was a particularly stylish way to end the heat.
Here are the official results, as well as photo (up top) of Dale Staples braining the socks of a small Point wave. For more details, photos and news on the series check out www.billabong.com/za or http://www.zigzag.co.za/.

Pro Junior Boys
1. Dale Staples (St Francis Bay)
2. Rudy Palmboom (Bluff)
3. Shaun Joubert (Mossel Bay)
3. Chris Leppan (Umhlanga)
5. Klee Strachan (Winkelspruit)
5. Dane Staples (St Francis Bay)
5. Brendon Gibbens (Kommetjie)
5. Nick Godfrey (Cape St Francis)

Pro Junior Girls (Specialty event)
1. Sarah Baum (Athlone Park)
2. Bianca Buitendag (George)
3. Nikita Robb (East London)
3. Tarryn Chudleigh (Kommetjie)

U16 Boys
1. Jacob Mellish (Somerset West)
2. Davey Brand (Kommetjie)
3. Beyrick de Vries (Umhlanga)
4. David van Zyl (Glenashley)

U14 Boys
1. Dylan Lightfoot (Jeffreys Bay)
2. Steven Sawyer (Jeffreys Bay)
3. Sarah Baum (Athlone Park)
4. Daniel Buitendag (George)

U12 Boys
1. Max Armstrong (Kommetjie)
2. Jason JJ Harris (Scottburgh)
3. Benji Brand (Kommetjie)
4. Jordy Maree (Kalk Bay)

Von Zipper Air Show
Casey Grant (Scottburgh)

2008 Billabong Junior Series
Final Series ratings
(Best 4 out of 5 results)

Pro Junior boys
1. Klee Strachan (Winkelspruit) 3893 pts R4 000
2. Dale Staples (St Francis Bay) 3290 pts R2 000
3. Nicholas Godfrey (Cape St Francis) 3215 pts R1 000
4. Chad du Toit (Berea)
5. Brendon Gibbens (Kommetjie)

U16 Boys
1. Beyrick de Vries (Umhlanga) 3730 pts R4 000
2. Davey Brand (Kommetjie) 3310 pts R2 000
3. Jacob Mellish (Somerset West) 2970 pts R1 000

U/14 Boys
1. Slade Prestwich (Park Rynie 3590 pts R4 000
2. Steven Sawyer (Jeffreys Bay) 3330 pts R2 000
3. Dylan Lightfoot (Jeffreys Bay) 3260 pts R1 000

U/12 Boys
1. Benji Brand (Kommetjie) 3730 pts R4 000
2. Max Armstrong (Kommetjie) 3720 pts R2 000
3. Jordy Maree (Kalk Bay) 2800 pts R1 000

Good News/ Not So Good News

Good News

Despite the affects of the enormous swell we had a few weeks ago (which battered coastlines across the Eastern and Western Cape, as I’m sure you’ve all seen for yourselves, or via different sources. See images here and here), the banks at Fence have returned to form. From Sunday to Wednesday last week there were clean, fun and consistent peaks there. It wasn’t all time Fence, but it was good enough for local heavy weights Dylan Stone and Etienne Potgieter to punt some impressive airs and squeeze into the odd cheeky barrel.

Not So Good News

On Monday afternoon the car guard at Kings Beach earned her stripes, valiantly fending off three hoodlums trying to break into a surfer’s bakkie. She’s the kind faced young lady, normally sitting with her friends at the boat ramp’s boom gate, always greeting people with a smile and promising to keep your car safe. She isn’t lying. Sadly, she took a solid braining for her bravery, including a heavy blow to the head and a light knife slash in the chest. A few people noticed her howling after the incident, and she was later rewarded with money, pain killers, praise and a scary looking baton to use next time. Nice one. Watching people’s cars is not an easy job, especially in a country where poverty and crime are present in equal measure. So the next time you zip to the beach after school or work, remember to bring a few silver coins for the good people looking after your ponies while you surf.
So I suppose this isn’t all bad news, but it seemed apt to put it there.