The Life and Times of Marlowe Truman Sorenson (aka. Speedy)

When guys are between 3 and 7 years old, there are two things that significantly affect your social standing
1. How fast you can run.
2. How strong your dad is.

The play ground is like a small city. Kids are territorial. The Jungle Gym, for example, is an apparatus in high demand. Some fresh faced 3 and a half year old can’t just step out of the car pool and sommer swing from the high bars. You’ve got to earn your stripes. Tell the older guys a bit about your old man and then do a few laps around the yard. Show them you mean business.

The sand pit is another one. You can’t just rock up one day and hang with those artistic elitists in the big pit. You’ve got to work you way up. Shine during play dough class (call the teacher over and make her show the class your work), carry a bucket and spade for the older kids once in a while. In time you’ll be making sand castles with the big dogs. Having a dad that can jump over the Campanile doesn’t hurt, either.

There were some tough cats back my day at Hillel Pre Primary School. Some tough cats indeed…

Willy Lyon’s father could lift a building up in each hand AND balance a rhino on his nose at the same time. Impressive stuff. Lyon always got the best scooter during break time.

Bo Ferreira could throw snails over the school roof and swing higher than everyone. He always slept on the soft part of the carpet near the teacher during naps.

There was one child so fast he was nicknamed ‘Speedy’. That’s hardly a creative masterpiece, but it was given to him by his 4 year old class mates— Monkey’s Crazy Hotel and cartoons were the only frame of reference we had to work with. Speedy’s dad, a mechanic named Moses, could run faster than a red ninja (the fastest of all ninjas) and wrestled buffalo on weekends to make biltong. I’ve heard rumors about Moses running at twice the speed of sound on a full tummy; if Speedy’s pace was anything to go by, I’d put a pink note down saying its legit.

Speedy was born with a cows lick in his hair and started shaving at 2. By the time he got to the middle class in Pre- Primary, Speedy was sporting a goatee like AJ from the Backstreet Boys.
He is the only child in history to avoid being ‘stuck’, during Stuck In The Mud for two years straight. He was playing wing for the rugby club side all the maintenance guys played for by 5 and a half. One child’s mother even asked Speedy out on a date.
Given Speedy’s credentials, it came as no surprise that he was the most popular boy at Hillel. But things were about to get tougher for Speedy at Big School.

He was quickly pulled out of the Smarties and Peppermint Rugby League during Sub A. “That boy has legs like cheetah and a deranged kudu!” exclaimed the head master, after Speedy scored 103 tries during his first game for the peppermints. After 4 months Speedy was captain of the Under 13 A’s, leading his team to victory against schools like Selborne, Grey Bloem and Dale College. It was a great day for Speedy’s coach when the nine year old tackled Grey Bloem’s prop so hard that he left the field crying. I remember a significant change in Speedy after that. You could se he resented all the demands on him and was starting to play angrily.

The stress of such early stardom seemed to build. By the end of Sub B Speedy developed an attitude. He was getting aggressive with scholars and teachers alike. The pressure of being so quick and having a dad as cool as Moses weighed heavily on Speedy’s shoulders. The December Holiday’s of 1991 couldn’t come quick enough for him.

It was not until the month of January, 1992, that I witnessed the fall and rebirth of Speedy.
He mastered Phys-ed with ease during the past two years, winning games like Stingers and Shipwreck with natural ease. And when the time came for swimming trials, everyone expected Speedy to basically run on water.
But Speedy hung back and stood awkwardly near the water’s edge. Locks of chest and back hair hung from his body like a poncho. There was a look of sick terror in his eyes as he made his way onto the diving block.

When the ‘Go’ whistle blew, Speedy flopped into the water and thrashed about hopelessly. A strange yelping came from his slow moving trail of bubbles, which sounded similar to a dog having its tailed clipped. Coach Cramer dropped his clipboard and dived in to save the prized sportsman, lest he should be responsible for anything bad happening to Speedy.

But when Cramer lifted Speedy out the water, the young boy was laughing heartily. No one had seen him smile or laugh like that before.

***

I saw Speedy last week when I was in Jo burg. He coaches a junior school swimming team and lives in the hostel on campus. He is a happy guy today, married with 2 kids of his own. Speedy tells me his13 month old son can run the hundred in 10, 05 already. Thanks to modern medicine and laser treatment Speedy only shaves twice a day and leads a pretty normal life, otherwise.

Speedy never touched a rugby ball again. He went on to swim for E Team right through Junior School, and never progressed passed the 3rd team in high school.

It was strange and ironic that he chose to pursue a career coaching a sport he was so horrible at, when Speedy could have captained the Boke by standard 5. I guess you can’t laugh at anything you don’t enjoy.

***

The waves are Terrible today! Mximus and I walked along the beach this morning and checked out the spots up the coast. Its tiny everywhere. That’s why I took 2 hours to recount the story of my friend Speedy. The wind is south easterly, too, and only getting stronger. But its sunny outside, so you might be able to catch a few decent cold ones at Barney’s a bit later.