Heinz Catches A Big One

This Zambezi Shark was caught in the Breede River during an expedition this year (http://www.sharkconservancy.org/zambezi.html).

I don’t like this one little bit. Being attacked by a bull shark in a river would really upset me. Being stacked by any shark anywhere would really upset me, but I’d be especially hosed off if I was fishing or wakeboarding when it happened.

I heard a story a few years ago. I’m sure you know it, or a version of it, so please bear with me. A German tourist, Heinz, was holidaying in Plett with his wife, Dee, and their young son, Alex. On a sunny December afternoon, not unlike today, Heinz went swimming with Alex in the shallows at Lookout Beach.

Alex was having a ball in the mighty Indian Ocean, learning to body surf and blow bubbles, when a Ragged Tooth Shark (probably Alex’s age in shark years) bit him on the leg. The sound of Alex’s shrieks was enough to send Heinz into a rage.

After ensuring his son’s safety, Heinz combed the area, looking for the perpetrator. He did eventually found a shark (whether or not it The shark was unspecified), and pulled it to shore by the tail. One they were on dry land, Heinz set to work dishing out punishment. Just like Pop-eye, Heinz picked the beast up and swung it around his head (amongst other things).
Heinz got a few nasty cuts in the end, too, but that is to be expected when you’re pistol whipping a Ragged Tooth Shark. Alex was fine in the end, but the same cannot be said for the shark or Heinz, who felt terrible about letting his son’s life fall into danger.

This is all neither here nor there. My point is that I’d probably react very similarly if I were attacked by a shark in a river. I wouldn’t go back and take a Bull Shark on in a bare knuckle dual, but it would take all of god’s morphine to calm the inner rage I’d feel if I lost a leg. Or an arm. If I died— I’m fairly certain I’d haunt the kak out of the river shark that did it if I died.

On the other hand, it would be the ultimate irony to get eaten whole by a shark while fishing.

Have a good weekend, everyone.